Communication, especially effective communication, is the hardest thing humans try to do with each other. This has always been the case, ever since early humans got together in groups and tried to find ways to communicate and work together. These days, even with all the technology we have, we still find it difficult to communicate with others in a way that values that person and allows them to hear what we’re saying in their own language.
A sociologist from Berkley, California named Arlie Hochschild questioned in 2012 the disconnect between her colleagues on the progressive side of life and the conservatives who backed the Tea Party. As someone who studied human interaction and the workings of societies, she was mystified by the gap between the way she saw and understood the world and the way those in the conservative pole saw and understood the world. world.
She embarked on a five-year journey to southwest Louisiana to develop relationships with the people she found there. The results of his project were put into a book, “Strangers in their own country”. In the book, she details her conversations and answers to questions she asked people who have lived their entire lives in this part of the country.
Her ongoing dialogue and relationship with people over five years helped her see that people in this part of Louisiana had a different narrative for their lives – they had a different “deep story”. This deep story has helped them understand the world around them through the lens of previous generations and the traumas and struggles they have endured. She began to understand that to interact well with these people, she had to find a way to honor their deep story and begin to analyze her own deep story for similarities.
We also see it in the Bible. In the Bible there is a book called “The Acts of the Apostles” or more commonly known as the Book of Acts. This book is about the first disciples of Jesus – after the resurrection and ascension, as they organize themselves into a collective. This first collective or movement was called “The Way”.
Believers have done their best to follow the way of life that Jesus modeled and taught. At Pentecost, all of Jesus’ Disciples were captivated by the power of the Holy Spirit and they began to talk about Jesus and God. The Holy Spirit also affected those who heard them speak that day in that each heard and understood in his own language. The Disciples spoke Aramaic, but each heard in his own language. Three thousand people converted to Christianity that day, we are told.
Valerie Kaur has this to say about actually being able to hear what the other is saying so we can find a way to communicate in a language the other can hear. She writes, “…When listening gets difficult, I focus on the next breath. I pay attention to the sensations in my body: heat, tightness and constriction. I feel the ground under my feet. Am I safe? If so, I stay and slow my breathing again, calming my mind and releasing the pressure that pushes me to defend my position.
I try to ask myself about the history of this person and the possible wound in him. I think of a serious question and try to stay curious long enough to be changed by what I hear. Maybe, just maybe, my opponent will start questioning me back, questioning me, and listening to my story. Perhaps their points of view will begin to diverge and new horizons will open up in the process. . . Again, maybe not. It doesn’t matter as long as the primary purpose of listening is to deepen my own understanding. Listening does not grant legitimacy to the other party. It grants them humanity – and preserves ours…”
God’s blessed assurance is that even though we humans have difficulty communicating with each other and getting along, God is always ready to meet us where we are. God listens to us in a way that always grants us our humanity and values us as beloved children. If you are looking for that kind of understanding, I invite you to come to one of our churches this Sunday. Peace and thanks to you all!
