Christ cross

The Soapbox: Uptown Dentist – Cross Timbers Gazette | Denton County South | mound of flowers

Today I thought I would try what I call the “Downtown Dentist.” The newly built office suggested an attractive design which piqued my curiosity for the rapidly changing new concept of modern dentistry.

If I had the choice, I would never schedule a date before 10 a.m., so I would always have plenty of time to calibrate my brain, heart, and tongue with the owner’s manual AKA the BIBLE. My friends and family mistakenly think I’m a morning person, since I’m a morning person, but that doesn’t mean I’m ready for anyone to talk, especially ask me questions before coffee.

I guess everyone else had the same sense of excitement over the mystery of the uptown dentist as well; therefore, it was nearly impossible for me to get an appointment. So here I am at 8 a.m. in the swanky, upscale dental center that had everything but treadmills to transport patients from station to station. I didn’t even know if we should still be called “patients.” It seemed that “clients” might have been more appropriate in this context.

Here is the super bright dental hygiene technician after strapping me in for a panoramic x-ray (because we’re too advanced to just rest our chins on the platform now, we have to be ATTACHED for 12 seconds).

Glittering teeth technology: OK Mrs. Brandi, how did you get this bridge?

Me: Soccer. Accident. University.

Glittering teeth technology: How old were you?

Me: 19

Glittering teeth technology: It must have been traumatic.

Me: Not really. (Not as traumatic as that perky 8 am).

Glittering teeth technology: OK… well let’s see here. What would you say you brush your teeth for? Clockwise? Counter-clockwise? Is your toothpaste for sensitive people or only for sensitive gums? Are you a soft-haired or hard-haired person? Now, are you breathing through your mouth? Side sleeper? Where do you chew your food? Left or right side? Did you do your reverse crunches today? When was your last hair removal? Do you regularly do pedicures? Your last period? How is the dating pool?


Me too: Your haircut is amazing.

Glittering teeth technology: . We have a Post-Adolescent Footballiniticus Cuspid Incisoriticum Gingival Flow Condenser in Room B. .

Dentiste: Well received.

Dentiste: Hello, I’m Dr. Kimberly.


Them: We believe that if you continue to live, you will eventually need more dental care… as a cavity could form. Your filling of money from childhood might go out of style. Your football injury could RE-injure retroactively and you could be on vacation when an abscess might develop, in which case we might both be on maternity leave.

Glittering teeth technology: That would be a parody.

Dentist named Kimberly: I will recommend that we complete this work immediately. I will ask the receptionist to leave you Estimate right next to the hot chocolate station where the yoga will also start at the top of the hour.


My brain:

My tongue:

My brain:

Dentist named Kimberly: If you ever need Botox, let me know. You look pretty good right now.

Sparkle Teeth Technology: Oh, did you want to clean your teeth?


Me too: Bye! Thank you for the anti-cancer coffee mug! See you in six months.

Me again:

I drove off, calling a potential new gym. I asked them if they had advanced step classes. The little kid on the other end of the phone said, I’ll have to ask the principal, but I know we have Cross-Torture. “You’ll love it!”

Growing up, I never considered my childhood to be enchanted or perfect, but I believe that this world is changing too fast for people to enjoy a simple and quiet life. Either way, I am determined to sift through the complexities and the noise if it means I could discover the life that Christ awaits until he calls me home.